If You Say You Can’t, You Won’t: How To Improve Your Confidence

As a communications coach I am fortunate to be working with some highly skilled businesswomen and businessmen. Even though many of them are professionals at the top of their game, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are fully confident. In fact, I’ve noticed that most people, no matter their experience, struggle at times with issues connected to their confidence.

For example, I’ve had clients who feel awkward speaking up at meetings, or making presentations, or managing a team. This lack of confidence is sometimes about English being the person’s second language, but not always. The reality is, regardless of what language you speak, humans, as a species, tend to be less confident than you might think! Yet, it’s important to realize that confidence is a state of mind that can be developed.

I’m not talking about the old “fake it ‘til you make it” kind of confidence It’s not about pretending to be confident; it’s about developing your confidence as a skilled communicator. You first need  to start by assessing your own skill level. This requires thinking about your own thinking. We learn by reflection! So it’s crucial that you take time and reflect on how you currently communicate. Following are two key aspects of confidence to consider:

1. Your Inner Monologue

Think about what goes through your head when you aren’t feeling confident. Are you undermining yourself with “negative self-talk”? Are you focussed on how you think others perceive you? If so, shift your focus from thinking about yourself to listening to others, and asking questions. The more you focus on what others have to say, the more engaged you will become. The more engaged you are, the more confident you will feel.

2. Your Outer Words

 Analyze the way you use words. Words are powerful. Using them in a positive manner helps you communicate from a position of strength, rather than weakness. For example, instead of prefacing a progress report by apologizing that you aren’t farther along, start by talking about what you have accomplished, and what you can share.

Of course, you absolutely need to prepare and practice for any situation in which you may lack confidence. You also need to reflect, after the fact, to figure out what worked and what didn’t. That’s when the real learning occurs. Be sure to strategize how you might do things differently the next time. Accept that changing mental habits isn’t easy — it’s a process that takes time.

But just as I am not suggesting that you “fake it ‘til you make it,” I’m also not suggesting “practice makes perfect.” There is no perfect! There’s only cultivating a positive mindset. Focusing on the positives will get you a lot farther down the path of confidence than dwelling on the negatives. A positive mindset is the cornerstone of confident communication! 

Remember: if you say you can’t do something, you probably won’t. Try doing this instead. Start by saying, “I can, and I will make it happen.” I am quite confident that doing so will help!

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.

Risk-Averse Businesswomen: Here’s How to Advance Your Career

Recently, the Canadian CTV chief news anchor, Lisa LaFlamme, was let go from her position. Reasons reported for her dismissal ranged from a disagreement with top brass over how to cover the Russia-Ukraine conflict to the fact that LaFlamme let her hair go gray. Whatever the reason for her dismissal, she wasn’t about to pack up her desk and slink away quietly. Not her! Instead, she posted a public video on Twitter saying she was “blindsided,” clearly expressing her anger.

Ms. LaFlamme’s decision to speak out publicly is not typical of women in the work world, who tend not to be risk takers. But, an aversion to risk doesn’t necessarily mean that women are more fearful than men. Studies demonstrate that women in business are more hesitant about taking risks. This, in part, is due to the greater negative consequences they suffer than men, when they do.  Understandably, concerns about negative outcomes for professional risks would no doubt make you less likely to do so, too.

As a news anchor at one of Canada’s biggest broadcasters, Lisa LaFlamme had a very public profile and many loyal followers.  Taking a big risk for her is unlikely to endanger her future employment prospects. But, it seems to be less true for many women in business. As an example, some of my top-level businesswomen clients tell me they really do fear the consequences of taking risks at work.

In an ideal world, gender inequality would not exist and women would be as confident as men when it comes to risk taking. Alas, it is not the case. So, if you’re a businesswoman looking to cultivate a more strategic approach  to risk taking in your career,  here are three keys to making it happen:

1. Prepare and Plan

There is no magic bullet that will make you more of a risk-taker, but you need to plan your risk-taking adventures in advance. Consider potential outcomes. Think about possible responses from others and plan for how you might meet those responses. Look to your past successes and be prepared to talk about those achievements — they are the foundational piece of your career path.

2. Consider and Revisit

 Maybe even with all your thoughtful planning, your risk-taking does not lead you where you hoped it would. Fight the urge to be discouraged. Instead, go back to the drawing board. In the planning process you should have put into place a “plan B.” That’s part of your safety net. Now, you may need to put it in action.

3. Mentor and Coach

 Women have so much to offer in the business world. But it’s obvious to me as a coach that we don’t always have good role models when it comes to risk-taking. One of the ways you can move forward is to ensure that you have a good mentor, or a coach.

Recently, one of my friends told me about her business woman daughter who has lived all over the world, making a life for herself wherever she decides to land. I can’t help but admire how this woman pushes herself to keep taking risks. It reminds me of the old saying, one that may just come in handy if you’re torn between staying where you are and taking a risk: If you never try, you’ll never know!

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.

Businesswomen: Don’t Let The “C Suite” Get You Down

Hands up if you’ve ever felt intimidated by men in the C-suite. And they usually are inhabited by men!  According to a study by Catalyst, 76 per cent of C-suite positions in Canada were held by men in 2021.  If your hand is in the air, I bet there’s a good chance you’re a woman!  There’s also a good chance you’re a successful woman, because only highly accomplished businesswomen are likely to work with executives at the top. Yet, despite your accomplishments, you still suffer the jitters when you head into meetings with the senior executive team.

In part this could be true because of the kind of “boys’ club” atmosphere at the upper levels. But from what my businesswomen clients tell me, it’s not always about gender barriers. Sometimes, it’s about their individual mindset. A client who is confident in other areas of her work life might feel that she isn’t as important, isn’t as talented, isn’t as deserving as the top guys. Suddenly nerves take over in a meeting, and she feels as if she’s in high school trying to impress the cool kids.

So, is there a way to shift that mental model? Absolutely! There are strategies you can adopt and practice — and things you can avoid. Here are four keys to calming down, clearing your head, and coming across with confidence when dealing with those C-suite execs.

1. Quit the Babble

If you find yourself “filling in space” by talking too much, create a mantra that helps you to stop. For instance, simply think the words “stop talking!” when you hear yourself going on too long. Instead, take a deep breath. Count to five.  

2. Own the Power

Remind yourself of all you’ve accomplished in your career to date. Visualize your own strength and project that through your body language (i.e., sit up straight, look people in the eye and speak up).

3. Choose the Words

Be clear about which messages you want to share. Practice delivering those messages. Say what you mean without couching your ideas in apologies or uncertainty.

4. Know the Audience

What makes members of the C-suite tick? What do you bring to the table that will be useful to them? Thinking about what they need and figuring out how to fulfill those needs takes the focus away from your own anxiety.

Confidence, it’s sometimes said, is a “state of mind,” not a skill you can learn. But this is what I say: Babies aren’t born confident! A state of mind can be cultivated. So, if you suffer from nerves around the C-suite “cool kids,” don’t let it get you down. Instead, let it be the challenge that you meet.

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.

So You’ve Been Promoted: How to Build Your English Language Confidence

You know your stuff. You’re intelligent and knowledgeable, which is why you’ve been promoted. But even though you’re a business professional, English is not your first language. Sometimes that holds you back. When you conduct meetings not everyone always understands you.

It’s not a question of the right words or correct expressions, and you’re comfortable with English grammar. But sometimes you start to worry that your words won’t come out right. There’s a little voice inside your head asking, “Will I sound foolish?” So, instead of speaking confidently, you lower your voice and speak in a monotone. You skim over the words so quickly that most people can barely hear you, let alone understand you.

Sounds familiar? Rest assured you’re not alone. We all have moments of anxiety when we’re trying to express ourselves, whether it’s in a meeting or during a presentation. But if you’re a non-native English speaker the challenges are even greater. So, first of all, give yourself a break! And secondly, take steps to boost your confidence, speak with more authority, and increase your presence as a leader.

Here are a few techniques I use with my clients, both native English speakers and not, since anyone can benefit from the following:

1. Practice…And Open Wide

Practice does not make “perfect.” But it will help you to improve. The more you practice speaking English each day, the less anxious you’ll feel about expressing yourself. Practice pronunciation and enunciation. Speaking clearly means you have to open your mouth wide!

2. Take Your Time…And Breathe

Don’t rush. Give yourself a chance to find the right words. Otherwise you may start speaking too quickly, which will make you even more nervous. If you’re nervous you’re more likely to mix up what you want to say, and how you want to say it. Breathe! Breathing helps us collect our thoughts. Plus, taking time shows thoughtfulness, which is a valued leadership quality.

3. Be Afraid…And Do It Anyway

Fear is natural and understandable. But you can’t let butterflies in your stomach get the better of you. Believe you can speak clearly and confidently and make yourself try to do exactly that. You’d be surprised at how much better you’ll feel if you try to create new, better habits instead of slipping into old, bad ones.

4. Get Help…Call A Coach

Bill McCartney, a famed American football coach, once said “All coaching is, is taking a player where he can’t take himself.” Mr. McCartney was right. You can’t always get where you want to go on your own. If you’d like to learn more about how a good coach can help you, have a look at Five Ways A Good Coach Can Improve Your Business Communication.

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary phone or video meeting to meet Dr. Sandra Folk. She’ll be happy to talk to you about your business communications challenges.